Recent Blog Posts



All Recent Posts

Mt Fuji

31 Jul 2009, Today's only task: Climb Mount Fuji. and perhaps a couple more sites in Tokyo.

F2: Forensic Factor

Shortly after I arrived in Korea, I went to the local Beautiful Korea, Wonderful Immigration - KISS office - which when it wants to be less friendly is known as a branch of the Ministry of Justice - in the hope of obtaining an F2 visa as the spouse of a Korean national. In the past, the process had appeared to be nothing more than a formality, but this time there were questions, and it even

Busanmike.blogspot.com
 
Twitter:  @BusanMike
YouTube: /BusanMikeVideo
Flickr:  /busanmike
 

Our Korean Wedding, Part 1

We arrived back in Seoul on Monday and are settling into the pace of normal life again. The wedding was great and the honeymoon was fantastic, with many good friends helping out at every step of the way. Now I need to sift through around 1000 images to share with you all, starting with the wedding.
That leaves me with an interesting problem: How exactly does someone blog their own wedding appropriately? If I were to keep the photos private, that wouldn't be very nice. And as soon as I start blogging it, I can sense that it will inevitably become a slight misrepresentation of our special day. This is a dilemma that we'll just have to get by with.

Anyway, let's start.

We woke up at Heather's house early on the morning of September 19th. Heather's mother had already gotten up at 6am to start cooking breakfast for us, and when I went into the kitchen she was still busy chopping things up. When you are about to get married, the 2 questions that people ask you most often are "Are you nervous?" and "Are you excited?"
The two answers that I would truthfully have to give on the morning of our marriage would have been "Not really" and "A little bit." Heather and I were feeling pretty calm about the whole ordeal, but things do get stressful as the ceremony approaches. It's not that the wedding isn't special, it's just that you don't seem to become noticeably overwhelmed with feelings as you might expect. For me, the time was spent focusing on the things that had to fall into place for everything to go well. A lot of planning had gone into that one day, and when it arrived, I thought that all we should do is just let it happen and hope everything works out.

And luckily, it did.

The wedding ceremony was due to start at 5pm, at an outdoor location on a hill overlooking the ocean. We woke up around 8ish, had a nice cooked breakfast and took things pretty slowly. Heather and I sat down at the dining table enjoying the calm before the storm. Weddings can be especially stressful for the bride, and I did have some worries that Heather might be a little under pressure. But sitting there at the dining table, picking at her mother's banchan with chopsticks and making little quips at the previous day's events, she seemed just as normal as any other day.

At 1pm we arrived at the wedding agency. The role of the agency was to organise the clothing and decorate the venue, as well as make sure things went smoothly. Weddings are like funerals, in that there's a lot of money to be made because people are more likely to spend lavishly. Our wedding agency had pre-wedding 'photography packages' on offer, the minimum being US$500. What you do is dress up nicely and have studio shots taken, which they put in an oversized photo album. Probably the strongest reason why you should get them done in Korea is because everyone will ask you whether you've done it or not. We opted out of it, just because it did seem like a silly amount of money, and how much does film cost these days anyway?
Instead, the agency provided the usual inclusive service of photographing the actual ceremony, and we also had Heather's friend, Adonis, come along and take photos of the day with his rather large Canon EOS. He took the photo above of me and Jang-Ho (Heather's brother), waiting in the wedding agency while Heather was having make-up done. All of the wedding photos on this blog post (and the next) were taken by him. Thanks Adonis!

This is what we looked like after we were both dressed up and had our hair and make-up done. As you can see, Heather's dress was impressively large. She had an ajumma helper who hurried around like a worker ant, assisting the oversized queen ant to move around.

On the left is our lovely ajumma helper, who instructed us on all the things we needed to know about the ceremony. There's a lot to remember on the day, not just what happens in the ceremony, but also little things like how you should hold your hands in a photo and how to exchange wedding rings properly. Rehearsal is the best way to go, but we didn't have enough time to go through everything from start to end.

We arrived at the wedding venue at around 4pm. In the photo above is me standing in front of Haeundae beach, which would serve as the picturesque backdrop of our ceremony. The venue was the Korea Art Centre on Dalmaji Hill in Busan, with catering done by The Kitchen (the restaurant where we got engaged). The ceremony itself was held on the sixth floor terrace, which is an outdoor location on the top of the building.
Most people in Korea get married at special wedding halls, which hold multiple ceremonies per day. They're nice enough, and necessary for such densely populated cities. But Heather and I wanted something different, so we asked The Kitchen if they could do it for us. It was the first wedding that they had ever done, and was a little more complicated than expected. But I think it really paid off in the end.

Heather arrived and went straight to the 5th floor to have photos taken with guests. Even 10 minutes before the ceremony started, she was still directing people and running the show from the confines of her 'bride hut' photo room.

What a star.

Here's Heather and her older sister. Korean female family members usually wear traditional hanbok to weddings.

Here are The Farrands with the latest addition to the family. Dad and Chris made it all the way from Australia to be at the wedding and it was fun showing them around Korea. I was saying to Dad, that because I'm adopted and marrying a Korean, I think we're starting the first Asian Farrand lineage in history.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Heather is always pretty photogenic, but on that day in particular she was even more beautiful.

A lucky man and a (fairly) lucky woman. Tee hee.

I've never had any doubts about marrying Heather.

We had photos taken for around 20 minutes, with the photographers placing us in all manner of photogenic positions. Luckily Adonis's photos are of good quality, because the photos from the wedding agency still haven't arrived yet. It might have something to do with the fact that Heather's older sister is still bargaining with them over the price they're charging us. She's good at that sort of thing.

The ceremony started on time, but it still seemed like 'all of a sudden'. We had rehearsed a little, but the whole thing felt pretty surreal at the time. On the sixth floor, music started playing and the wedding procession began. First Mr Kang walked up to the stage, with music from a famous MBC drama playing. Then came my Dad and Heather's mother, followed by four of my friends and four of Heather's friends walking arm in arm.

Jef Robison is a very good friend who I came down to Busan with on a near-legendary coach bus back in 2006. He knew Heather and I before we started dating and is the only person left from the original Busanjin group that is still in Busan.
The other friends I had chosen in this part of the procession were Daniel Pak, Anthony Nguyen and John Bernardi. I declined to choose a 'best man' for the ceremony, because there are too many best men here and abroad and it's too hard to choose one.

Then I came along, walking to the music of Love at First Sight by Kylie Minogue. I was smiling because I was happy, and also because everyone was clapping. It felt like I had achieved something great, and all I was really doing was marrying the one that I loved. So I was feeling great about something wonderful.

Then came our little flower girl, Ji-Ye. She was pretty bewildered by the whole event and throughout the day was calling my name a few times. When I said 'Yes?' she just looked at me sheepishly and grinned. In her part of the procession, she walked down the aisle and threw flower petals from a basket. She did a good job, and I've never seen her so focused and serious in my life.

Then came the bride with her father. I'm sure that this moment is one that will stick with us for a long time to come.

The father of the bride gave me his daughter's hand, and we turned around for the ceremony.

Heather's friends from the procession stood on the left. They were Ellie, Christine, Heidi and Rebecca.

And standing on my side were the trusty Boys of Busan.

The ceremony itself was around 30 minutes, and consisted of some Korean and Western formalities. Heather and I bowed to each other and affirmed our wedding vows, which were spoken in Korean by Mr Kang, who was our celebrant.

We were extremely lucky with the weather, because it rained just two days later. Mr Kang is our old boss from CDI, and did a great job with the ceremony. All in all, things went very well and we have a lot to be thankful for.

I'll follow up with the rest of the day's events shortly. See you soon!

“Korean Women are Sexually Conservative”


korean-etude-advertisement-song-hye-gyo( Source: Naver )

As they say, first impressions last, and my own first introduction to Korean sexual politics came with a bang when the scandal over the Baek Ji-young (백지영) sex tape erupted in late-2000. The way she was treated by the Korean media was hypocritical and shocking, and confirmed what I’d learned at university: Korea was a deeply patriarchal and sexually-conservative society.

Or at least, as the “Korean Gender Guy,”™ that’s what I’d like to pretend informed my first year in Korea. The truth is, I barely noticed at the time, being rather more concerned with getting into my Korean girlfriend’s pants. But they also say that the best way to learn a new culture is to sleep with the locals, and what I learned about sexual politics that way was no less important for being so base: the books were simply wrong about how prudish Koreans were. I’ve been poking fun at the huge gap between image and reality ever since.

But with a nod of appreciation to the advice of this regular commenter, it’s high time to move on from that extremely simplistic conception of the subject.

Just like it is misguided to think of, say, all American voters as mere “conservatives” or “liberals,” the reality is that Korean society is both profoundly sexually-liberal in some instances and sexually-conservative in others. For instance: most Koreans have sex before marriage; Korea has one of the largest prostitution industries in the world; Korean teenagers increasingly dance extremely provocatively on television; Korean women are increasingly objectified in advertisements; and, overall, censorship of sexual content in movies is rapidly easing.

Sexually Conservative Korean Woman?( Source: RaySoda )

And yet that combination by no means implies that Korean men and women are equally able to express and enjoy their sexuality in 2009, let alone that, like almost a decade ago, a female celebrity secretly filmed while having sex with her boyfriend wouldn’t again be ostracized by the Korean media. Indeed, one can argue that to describe Korean society as simply “sexual-conservative” is merely to gloss over its profound double-standards.

One such double-standard is the need for sexually-active women to appear inexperienced and virginal to their partners, and in that vein, this survey of condom use and sexual activity in Korea – probably the most comprehensive of its kind – found that a majority of them did so to the extent that they regarded contraception as entirely men’s responsibility, as I discussed last December. Either they didn’t provide it themselves, they didn’t insist on their partners using condoms, and/or they would even feign complete ignorance of all contraceptive methods.

Again, that’s to be expected from a “sexually-conservative” society. But bear in mind the fact that love hotels are ubiquitous here, and – as that survey demonstrates – are well used. So while this particular double-standard is hardly confined to Korea, it is particularly severe in its effects on Korean women.

In light of that, the fact that rates of oral contraceptive pill usage are extremely low in Korea (3%) shouldn’t have been a surprise to me when I learned it from this recent Korean blog post, which I’ve translated below. But while I was certainly aware of the scare-tactics used – for various reasons – by Japanese medical authorities to dissuade women from using the pill there for instance, and which meant that it was only legalized as late as 1999 (see here, here and here), in hindsight perhaps I was too optimistic about Korean women’s reaction to similar tactics used here in January. So I was taken aback:

피임에 보수적인 여자들 – When it Comes to Contraception, Korean Women Are Conservative

Korean Pill Cartoon 1Mr Kang, reporter: “As women are actively making advances in Korean society, so too are women becoming more open and assertive about sexual matters.”

Korean Pill Cartoon 2a

Mr Kang: “Today, we are going to meet Ms. Kim, a cool, forward-thinking woman with free and open attitudes to love.”

Ms Kim, caption: “I have 900 intimate male-friends…but that’s what happens if you’re as pretty as I. It’s not a crime!”

Korean Pill Cartoon 3Mr Kang: “I will ask about modern women’s opinions on sex and love…Nice to meet you Ms Kim. Ms Kim, I heard that you have very liberal and open attitudes to love. Is that true?”

Ms Kim: ” Yes. I don’t care about men that leave me, and I don’t say no to men that approach me…I’m so cool!”

Korean Pill Cartoon 4Mr Kang: “Since you are old enough, I assume that you have sex with your boyfriends. Do you take the initiative and/or insist on using contraception?”

Ms Kim: “Contraception? Surely that is men’s responsibility, yes?”

Mr Kang (gray text): “I’m surprised that you’re so conservative.”

Ms. Kim (gray text): “It is totally men’s responsibility!”

Granted, a bizarre cartoon, and probably one that detracts from rather than evinces the following points made by the blogger:

이전보다 자유로와진 미혼남녀의 성생활이나 성 담론에 비해 아직도 피임에 대한 인식은 무척 보수적이죠. 게다가 아직까지 수많은 여성들은 ‘피임=남자의 책임’이라는 구시대적 사고방식을 가지고 있는 듯 합니다. 한국 여성 피임 인식 조사에 따르면, 여성의 60%는 성관계 시 피임을 하지 않는 것으로 나타났는데 이는 ‘설마~’와 ‘막연함’ 때문이라고 합니다.

“Compared to the past, people are much more sexually active these days, and talk about sexual matters much more openly. But they are still surprisingly conservative when it comes to using contraception. In particular, many women stick to the traditional line that it is entirely men’s responsibility. According to a survey by the WHO, 60% of Korean women don’t use any contraception at all, maintaining an “it won’t happen to me” attitude.”

International Rates of Pill Usage Korea

물론, 남자에게도 책임은 있겠지만 여성들 역시 능동적일 필요가 있다고 보는데요, 통계에 따르면 남자들의 피임 방식인 “CONDOM”은 피임에 성공할 확률이 85%에 지나지 않는다고 합니다. 반면에 여성들이 준비할 수 있는 ‘먹는 피임약’인 경우, 성공 확률이 무려 99%에 이른다고 하네요.

“Of course men also have a responsibility to use contraception, but it seems that women are not fulfilling theirs. According to statistics, whereas condoms are 85% effective in preventing pregnancy, the use of the oral contraceptive pill is done entirely by women and is as much as 99% effective.”

Korean Pill vs Condom Cartoon

더치페이의 나라 네덜란드에서는 피임에 대해서도 서로를 배려하기 위해 CONDOM과 피임약을 모두 사용하는 이른바 ‘더치피임’이 널리 퍼지고 있다고 합니다. 또한 요즘 나오는 먹는 피임약(야즈)은 피임 뿐만 아니라 여드름 및 월경전불쾌장애(심한 형태의 월경전 증후군)에도 치료 효과를 인정받았다고 하니 여성 스스로를 위해서라도 꼭 한번 고려해볼 수 있길 바랍니다.

“In the Netherlands, when it comes to contraception people combine condoms with the use of the pill in order to be safer, and this is known as “Dutch [Style] Contraception.” In addition, a  new form of the pill called “Yaz” is coming onto the market, which combines a contraceptive function with helping to prevent skin problems and PMT. Women should consider this new product as an option.”

Men Women Gender 50 50And I’m afraid that that is all, although it attracted a great many commenters, most of whom agree that contraception is also women’s responsibility. But they take issue with the blogger’s description of women that don’t use the pill as “conservative,” citing concerns about side-effects, to which my response would be to direct them to this comment.

Meanwhile, if you haven’t already read my earlier post on condom use and rates of sexual activity in Korea then I strongly recommend you do so to place this new information in context, and you may also be interested in the recent appointment of a minor Korean-American celebrity being named “goodwill ambassador for the Korean Association of Obstetricians and Gynecologists to promote a campaign teaching young Korean women about sex and reduce abortions.” This has many positives of course, but I’d echo Brian in Jeollanam-do’s concerns that this may be “a product of, and will contribute to the perpetuation of, the belief that Americans and Westerners alone can be open about sex,” to which I’d add the stereotype that Westerners and especially Caucasians are overall much “more sexual” than Koreans. Finally, for a very frank discussion from the front-line as it were (an American woman dating Korean men), make sure to check out Doing it Korean Style!

Update: Apologies for not mentioning Dating in Korea also.

Share

Posted in Korean Feminism, Korean Sexuality Tagged: Contraception, Contraceptive Pill, 피임, 피임약
  

 

Pages

Subscribe to Koreabridge MegaBlog Feed