WE REALLY HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR

One thing I've noticed about China is the prevalence of truly appalling haircuts on many of the young men. It seems that a most of them sport really faggy anime mushroom-head hairdos. Androgyny is definitely in, and these wispy critters loiter about the innumerable hair salons which occupy every third storefront in this town, at least.

So if we ever go to war with the Chinese, instead of facing a formidable army, we'll be confronted by a boy band made up of 100 million simpy conscripts.

No need to quake in thy boots.