Source: Reach to Teach Recruiting

Back in December, the Korean government indicated it may require foreign English teachers to take cultural lessons before beginning their teaching careers here. After careful consideration of which cultural elements to include in the curriculum, the following statement has been released by the National Institute for International Education (NIIED):

"The new class on Korean culture will be required for all English teachers living in Korea, working in Korea, or breathing Korean air. Since Korea makes air purifiers that are available all around the world, that includes you too," the statement begins.

This reporter skipped to page 15, after reading 13 pages introducing the Korean school system, hangeul (the Korean alphabet), and Korea's four distinct seasons:

During this culture class, you will learn many elements of the Korean culture you must adapt to:

• Speaking nicely to all Koreans
• Treating older people with absolute deference
• Treating younger people with absolute deference
• Treating people the same age as your friends - but remember, they're still above you
• Expect to pay more for the identical thing than a Korean would - remember, they're above you
• If female, expect to be pinched, prodded, and commented on. All old Korean men do this - and remember, they're above you.
• If fat, expect to be pinched, prodded, and commented on. All Korean people do this whether they're anorexic or just skinny.
  
• If your face isn't white, don't look surprised if Koreans believe you speak African instead of English.
  

In addition, there are a number of things foreigners should not attempt to do, even though Koreans do them all the time:

• Push onto the subway before other people have gotten off
  
• Smoke indoors
• Push to the front of the line at the store, ignoring the fact that there is a line
  
• Crawl under subway turnstiles
• Talk badly about people from other countries or cultures
• Walk four-wide down the sidewalk, stumbling after drinking too much alcohol

These lists are not meant to be all-inclusive, and we're positive there will be more things added with no warning. Failure to comply with any items, whether published or not, can lead to a warning or termination of your employment, of course.

This reporter researched the people behind the statement - of the 11 men and women credited with the statement's creation, none are or have ever been teachers in their life. "We interviewed a student on what they thought was the best way to teach," an addendum states, in a 6-point font. Additionally, of the 11 names, three were no longer working with the National Institute for International Education, two were under investigation for bribing a number of school officials, and two were dead.

This reporter is at a loss to explain how dead people can write.


This post, along with others sporting the 'satire' tag are satire - completely made up. Not real. Don't drink and rollerblade. That is all.

© Chris Backe - 2010

This post was originally published on my blog, Chris in South Korea. If you are reading this on another website and there is no linkback or credit given, you are reading an UNAUTHORIZED FEED.