Foreigner Stuns Korean Ajosshi at 1st annual ‘Hock A Loogie’ Festival

It all came down to the final round. Both contestants had practiced for years to reach this point. And it all came down to the very last loogie – what may become known as the ‘hock heard around the world’.

Park Loo Sen, a 56-year-old Korean had set a new world record in this competition for both the loudest loogie-making process (99.4 decibels from one meter away – about the same as a motorcycle) and the farthest distance at 6.95 meters. After the world record was announced, he gave a toothy grin to his friends, took another swig of soju and returned to his personal park bench.

But the last competitor was not to be denied. Daniel S. Pitter had received a disqualification in an earlier round by stepping over the line. For the last round, however, Pitter saw the gloating in the ajosshi’s eyes and knew what he had to do.

“It sounded like a tornado!”, remarked Mark Tarje, another competitor who was eliminated in the earlier round. “I had no idea anyone could hock so loud.”

Pitter, a 26-year-old American currently just outside of Seoul, explained his technique: “I really just study the ajosshis on the streets of Korea. I mean, it’s hard to go a day without hearing some HHAAKKK. you know? One day I decided to respond by HHAAKKKing one up right in front of him. The look of shock and awe from his face told me I need to keep this up!”

Korea hopes to become the hub of loogies, along with the hub of hubs. The latter, however, will take some time to develop.

Pitter’s last loogie measured in at 104.3 decibels and a distance of 7.21 meters. His prize, a golden loogie and 2,000,000 Korean won, will be used for a vacation. “Somewhere outside of Korea – even for me, it gets annoying to hear all that spitting.”

This article is completely satirical. All names were made up; any relation to real people is coincidental. Don't hock loogies. Be classier than that.

Creative Commons License © Chris Backe - 2009



Keep your day job, kid

"This article is completely satirical. All names were made up; any relation to real people is coincidental."

Really?  Thanks for the disclaimer, because I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that you really had us going.

Awesome :)

Very funny!  I laughed out loud more than once reading this.  Nice work ;)