"writing resume properly"

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Joined: 12/01/2010 - 15:25
"writing resume properly"

This weekend, I attended one of the local gov. program "writing resume in


Instructor ( korean ) gave us some printouts for a reference.

And I found these odd writings in sample sentences.

Ex 1.: "I enjoy and feel passionate about the assistant manager in the marketing which I think serves as the basis to build a successful career in your company."

Ex 2. : " Your marketing analyst is the ideal platform, in my opinion, on which I can grow as a true professional in the marketing."

what do you think about these sentences?

Joined: 10/10/2018 - 15:57
Re: "writing resume properly"

Hi. Curious if you attended a US government class? 

I have 10+ years experience in education and career services and 2 teaching ESL so there are a few issues with those examples. 

It’s a little hard to rewrite specifically without knowing the context but assuming some basics it could be something like this 

ex 1 I am passionate about marketing and believe you need a strong candidate in the role of assistant manager to help ensure client satisfaction etc....

ex2 your marketing analyst position is an ideal platform for me to acquire skills necessary  to succeed in that role