PDA in SK

Sun, 07/22/2012 - 13:39 — chrissantosra

Last night, as I was waiting for the bus and enjoying mychicken in a cup, I witnessed “Romeo and Juliet” before they part. I’m not talking about thespians staging aShakespearean play; I’m referring to a young couple sitting beside me at the bus stop. At first, I thought it was “cute” and “sweet” how they showed their love by holding hands as they were perched closely together like a pair of love birds, and every now and then, looking at each other’s eyes with such intimacy that is familiar to someone like me who “has been there”, and “is still madly in love” with the same man I held hands and locked eyes with eight years ago. The young couple’s mawkish display of affection reminded me of those times when my husband and I were boyfriend-girlfriend. Aaah~~~ those “kilig” days never fail to make me smile every time I remember them. ^^

I wasn’t staring, don’t get me wrong, but I was sitting beside them, so I couldn’t help but notice what they were doing. I wasn’t eavesdropping either, but I could hear and understand SOME of what they were talking about. (I’m not that poor in Korean, after all. ^^) They are to meet again on the weekend, and the girl says CALL ME, CALL ME, CALL ME… I WILL MISS YOU… BLAH-BLAH-BLAH.

Then I heard a smack… and the boy tells the girl that the bus is coming. He asks for another 뽀뽀 (Ppoppo: Korean for kiss). The girl gives it to him… and he asks for more… and they started exchanging kisses. What the??? I would have been less surprised if they were kissing in a 클럽 (club or disco bar) or 나이트 (Night: Konglish for booking club) or in a dark alley that I happen to pass by… but at the bus stop in evening rush hour? They were not french kissing or anything like that, but they were smooching like there’s no tomorrow… in public, and I was not the only one to witness it! The ajumma next to me was blatantly staring at them, and as expected, she didn’t look pleased. There were ten or more people present that time. I’m not sure if others saw what the young lovers were doing. They were sitting in the corner of the shed. A few curious commuters, waiting for their ride, threw side-glances at them. Others were perhaps oblivious of the young couple’s public display of affection, because they were busy minding their own business.

Finally, the bus came, and our “Romeo and Juliet” had to part. If you think the kissing was over, they were just warming up. The couple stood up and kissed again… the intimacy of the kiss subdued this time… but the girl’s arms were wrapped around the boy’s neck… just like aKoreanovela scene. The boy got on the bus and the girl left in haste, perhaps aware of the glares being thrown at her.

I have read an article that says PDA is not common in South Korea, because of the conservative nature of Koreans. Duh! If you ask me, having lived here for quite some time now and being married to a man who is (also) showy of his affection, I say that PDA is VERY COMMON in SK. You can see it anywhere?in subway stations and bus stops; in bars, hoffs, cafes, restaurants; on the streets; in the malls and parks… couples holding hands, hugging, exchanging pecks on the cheeks or lips, caressing each other’s faces. Usually, it’s either holding hands or hugging, which I think is not an excessive display of intimacy, but there are those who are not satisfied with simple ways to show their affection.

Last night was not the first time I have seen couples smooching in public. The first time was at the same bus stop, and the lovers were much younger. I could tell, because they were wearing their high school uniform. Their kissing, however, was not as obvious as our Romeo and Juliet from last night, just a “cute” quick kiss. Of all the excessive PDA’s that I have witnessed so far, the worst has got to be that of an ajossi and an ajumma petting in a hoff. Well, they were both wasted.

My husband and I hold hands and hug, too, in front of his friends or other people… but NOT when there are older people around, especially his parents… and we are coy about kissing in public, except when we had our after-wedding party, and his friends persuaded us to kiss for a picture. We used to be teased a lot about showing too much “skinship” (Konglish for skin-to-skin contact: kissing not included), but now his friends got used to it.

A Korean friend warned us, though, that we should never express physical intimacy in front of my husband’s older relatives and my parents-in-law, as this is considered rude to the elders. Older Koreans won’t tolerate PDA, especially if it is extreme. Some of them would simply look dagger at you; some would curtly reprimand and embarrass you.

When my husband was still my boyfriend, and he would come to visit me in the house, he would not hold my hand nor embrace me when Mom was around. One time, we were in the living room watching TV and cuddling, and all of a sudden, Mom came to bring us some midnight snacks. My husband, who was then my fiance, jumped out of his seat and acted really weird, as if we were caught red-handed making out, and he was expecting to be given a scolding. Mom noticed that he was embarrassed and told him to “relax”. After our church wedding and he had lived with us for months, he became more comfortable showing my family his “sweetness”, which Mom and the rest of the family members, even my conservative Grandma and uncles, ”appreciate” rather than disapprove of. When we came to Korea and lived with his parents, we had to be more cautious in displaying our affection towards each other… even in our own home.

Six years ago, the first time I came to Korea, I didn’t see a lot of couples doing PDA. At times, I would see lovers holding hands while walking or snuggling as they sit on a park bench… simple romantic gestures that are not unsightly or awkward for other people to see. Nowadays, it seems as if some couples don’t know how to draw the line at showing physical affection in public. There is nothing wrong with showing the world your love for your partner, but as they say, “Too much of anything is not good.”

Holding hands, a mere hug and a quick goodbye kiss are now becoming prevalent, even in a country like South Korea that is bound by strict Confucian norms. Maybe in a few years’ time, PDA “in moderation” will be socially acceptable here in SK… but making out in public is a totally different thing.

Some things are best done in private, don’t you think? ^^