KoreanCupid: A Guide for the Ladies on how to Date Online
Before I get into my guide, let me first tell you that I met JH through this particular site, and just about two years ago. It was after my break up with my first Korean boyfriend (BK), and I didn't want to believe that I could never love a Kboy again. However, I am not the person to walk up to strangers on the street or go to bars/clubs and hit it up with guys there. I needed a place to go to where I could connect with a Korean man but on a certain level. That is why this guide today will reflect an actual user's experience and give you some insight into the site and trying to meet Korean men.
- Put up pretty pictures of yourself that are flattering. Unless you want him to see you as a drunk, then show yourself partying in the bar. Otherwise give the guys decent pictures to look at. Also have a variety up there as this seems to be a big feature of the site.
- Be honest in your descriptions. Just don't lie off the bat that you are skinny but are really not, or don't mind if a guy smokes, but you really do.
- Make a simple and useful headline. Not too long as that can be tiring.
- In the "seeking" section, briefly but accurately state what you are looking for.
- The Search: Be specific or else you will get more results than you can handle. Shoot for people who have been recently active. Look within your age range, unless you really don't care.
- The Results: As you can see it will vary who shows up. Since a picture says it all, I mostly see this first and then look at the details. What has always been really strange is most Korean folks are seeking females age "18 - 80." Something tells me they really aren't going to date an 18 year old or an 80 year old either. This already tells you something about their ability to use the site or how sincere they are in making their profile. It could also just mean they were lazy. Sift through the results and see if any catch your eye. Click on their profile and dig into whether they are interesting enough to send a message or set up for a private chat.
- The most important aspect, I found, is not all the information they fill out or their pictures but what they put as a description of who they are looking for. If they can write two sentences and do it well in English than you can tell they are using the site for more than just peeping. The following examples show how some give you good and bad signs.
- Most Chat requests are from guys who want sex only. How do I know? Because I cut the bullshit and got straight to the point with a lot of them and told them I wasn't looking for one night stands. Usually things start off nice in a chat and then the guy suddenly starts asking questions like, "What is your bra size?" "Do you like sex?" And from there you can tell that he is just on the site for the thrill of it. When I revealed that I wasn't trying to hook up with guys just for sex, a lot of them got upset. They even would tell me that they thought foreign women don't mind one night stands and I was acting "strange" to them. Gee I wonder where they got those ideas (Hollywood!).
- Weed them out to find Mr. Niceguy. Of course, you really can't tell if he is good or bad by just a quick chat but as shown above you do want to be straight up honest at first. Otherwise, you could end up meeting a guy with different intentions. So have a method lined up for how you will chat to them. If things get strange or perverted back out. If things are civil and sound good stay in the chat.
- Move on to your real email and messenger (skype) contacts: What you really want to do is start communicating with these guys outside of KoreanCupid. Once you are comfortable enough and truly feel you can trust them then send out your details. CAUTION: Don't give any personal information (like this) out unless you are 10000% percent sure they won't end up digitally stalking you. My advice: if they ask for this kind of stuff in just the first chat than they are really desperate. Wait after a week or so to know they are worthy.
- This category is to show that there are generally three types of Korean men on the site.
- One: In it for the sex and thrill of being with a foreigner. (As mentioned above). If this is what you want to cater too than go ahead. But remember you might be promoting a stereotype here of foreign women as easy.
- Two: Looking for a language partner. This kind of guy can fit into them all, but some of them mostly just want a language buddy. Keep in mind you might not really learn Korean and instead speak English the whole time. If you are looking to help a guy out with his English than go ahead, you never know as it could blossom into love.
- Three: Looking for a loving and lasting relationship or just something beyond the first date. This was the kind of guy I was looking for and managed to weed out the rest. I am still with him so as you can see it definitely lasted beyond the first date.
- These are going to be obvious. Pick a public place and one that you are familiar with or if you pick one new to you review how to get there and back (exit strategy).
- If meeting someone new for the first time makes you super nervous, ask to meet first with your friend.
- Let a close friend know you are going on this semi-blind date so that there is someone out there in world caring about you.
I doubt I mentioned everything but I hope this guide shows you what it is like from a women's perspective on the experience to be had when using KoreanCupid. Depending on your goals the site can provide you with many different types of love or lust matches.
Once out the door and actually meeting a guy it is up to you. Dating a Korean guy in theory is no different from dating a guy from America or South Africa, since they are all men. But of course, Korean men carry their social treasures and burdens with them that as time passes you get to know and discover.
Maybe someday I will make a guide to dating a Korean man, but I think I need to gather more evidence from other women, to truly show what it is like. Till then there is this guide.
Finally, it is spring and so love is in the air anyways. What better way to enjoy the beauty and warmth of this season than discovering Korea with someone you met on KoreanCupid. Just do it all with caution and don't get yourself too head-over-heels.