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It reads like sodomy… right? It’s funny…...



It reads like sodomy… right? It’s funny… right?! Alright, I’m immature, I get it… Oh well.


I don’t know if this is more funny to me if I imagine (1)...



I don’t know if this is more funny to me if I imagine (1) an energy factory fueling the world with donuts or (2) vegetation that produces edible donuts. English is a hilarious language sometimes, isn’t it?


A Letter to My Seven Month Old Daughter

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Dear +1,

Look at you with your smiles and shitty nappies, you are the world too me. You may not realise it as you are undoubtedly focusing on something you just saw and must now touch, but it’s true, you mean so much to me.

I am writing to you today as I wish to part with some advice. As you are young it is hard for you to understand much, and as you are young it is your natural inclination to believe that you are 100% correct about everything. If the truth be told you will not learn the fallacy of this until you are, well probably close to your own deathbed many years from now.


I don’t have a good caption for this picture. Sorry. This...



I don’t have a good caption for this picture. Sorry. This shouldn’t make me laugh, but it does.


What, pray tell, is an Autobahn VAG?



What, pray tell, is an Autobahn VAG?


While in Daejeon, I saw that a lot of banks had statues in front...







While in Daejeon, I saw that a lot of banks had statues in front of naked families. I have no idea what this symbolizes, and I’ve never seen it anywhere else in Korea, but it’s hilarious. Naked families embracing each other or building clouds together… Sure, that’s where I’ll invest my money. Thank you, Daejeon banks. You made my day.


“Getting There”

This is a short narrative post I initially set out to write for Groove Magazine‘s “Share Story, Win Trip” writing competition. The call came out for ‘funny’ travel stories where a lesson was learned. The winning pieces would be read out loud dramatically. Frankly, there just aren’t enough of these kind of encouraging writing opportunities in Korea. I could say more but I’ll get distracted.

I started writing mine and about two paragraphs from the end I decided that it wasn’t a travel story. So I stopped writing. I came back about a week later and took another crack at it, tidied it up but left it loosely over the 500 word limit, which kind of left it for any kind of flash litt and too short to be considered anything else. Still it’s a good story. You’ll laugh. I hope. 

Getting There


10 Reasons North Korea Should Wait to Launch its Rocket.

Dear North Korea,

Here are 10 reasons you should postpone your rocket launch.

10.  It’s too cold outside to watch a rocket launch- It’s cold in Seoul this winter.  I wouldn’t even go outside to meet a naked girl with chicken wings.  It must be freezing for the under-clothed, starving, rural North Koreans.  Not feeding them is sad enough, but providing them with an explosion they won’t enjoy or watch (too cold outside) is unusually cruel.  You should wait until it gets warmer to launch the rocket.

9. South Korea blocked all the good porn sites- Actually, this is a good reason for you to launch a faulty rocket.  If we can’t look at porn in South Korea, explosions from crappy rockets are the next best thing.


“Call Me Maybe, Teacher?” -Phone Teaching with Korean Students-


Obvious signs of Vampire infiltration of the South Korean populace

Today, in a grocery store, I finally put the pieces together and felt like a dummy for not seeing it earlier. Korea has a huge number of vampires and they have infiltrated the government to hide the fact.  It’s so obvious!

Was this a documentary?

 

Consider:


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