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23 Times Your Expat Life Was Like An Episode of Friends

 


Some Things Never Change

One of the most amusing things about teaching middle school is the constant marriage proposals and date invitations I get from my boys. Today was the first day back after vacation, and within minutes of walking out of my office, the barrage began.


Student 1: Teacher! When we together date?
Me: Sorry, it's impossible
Student 1: I am so angry! My heart is devil.

Student 2: Teacher! Marry me!
Me: Why?
Student: Teacher very pretty.
Me: Sorry, I can't.

Student 3: Mother fucker!

He suddenly noticed I was there, and after looking scared for a moment, put his arm around his friend and, as they walked off down the hall, continued to call out "Mother friend! Mother friend!"

~later~

Student 4: Teacher! Please marry me.
Me: I can't. You are too young.
Student 4: No, no, not young. Please.
Me: Okay, fine. When?
Student 4: Tomorrow.
Me: Awesome. Where?

Weekly Quote Collection 2: Questionable Advice

While teaching advice, we had a few gems.



Problem: I don't have any friends.


Suggestions:

"You should make boyfriend!"

"Well, how can I meet him?"

"PC bang!"

Okay kids. I'll just hang around the PC bangs until I meet my Prince Charming.



Problem: I'm going to meet SHINee.


"You should bring your soul."

"You shouldn't say ugly. You should say handsome!"

These ones I actually quite liked. How could I not bring my soul if I were to meet SHINee?



The other thing I'm teaching this week is "which do you prefer" and after one day it's already been great.


"Which do you prefer, eating or sleeping?"

"I prefer eating, because my mouth wants."

Then I asked the same student again: "Which do you prefer, singing or dancing?"

"I prefer singing, because...my mouth wants."

Weekly Quote Collection: Shaking my Sausage

My students are constantly saying either hilarious or amazing things, so I'm going to start posting highlights here on a weekly basis. This week was...quite the week.

During a 1st year class:

"Teacher! I'm shaking my sausage every day!"

"Me too teacher! I'm very long sausage!"

Someone had taught them the term "johnson" as well, so there were plenty such jokes as well. Another boy came up to me to ask "Teacher, what is 'Johnson'?" I managed to choke out, while trying to hide my laughter "It's...a boy has..."

"Ah, okay okay. Thank you teacher."

I accidentally wore burgundy tights and a red coat and an orangey scarf today, so the comments about my color choices were common. The best, though, happened during my last class of the day today.

The Weird Thing About Korean Bathrooms

Or rather, things. Or rather, Alfred.

Sorry, that is a joke with an incredibly narrow scope, but I'll leave it in and see if anyone gets it. Maybe I'll give you a prize.

ANYWAYS. I figured that since I spend so much of my time thinking about bathrooms, I'd better make a post about it, in hopes that after taking the time to write about my problems, they might plague me less. Here's hoping!

1. Where the hell is the toilet paper?


Before I moved to Korea, I never realized how lucky I was to be able to assume that all bathrooms would have toilet paper. I took toilet paper for granted. It was always there, unless I forgot to buy it. It was something I could count on.

Daily Snapshot: sister, teacher, mother...brother?

There's all sorts of classes, but my favorites are the ones who share my dumb sense of humor, the ones I can laugh and joke with. A great example happened just recently, in my 2nd period 2nd grade class.

We were playing a game in teams, where each team had a mixed up sentence on strips of paper to rearrange into a correct sentence. First 3 teams to finish got points, so the pressure was really on. However, it's really hard to keep track of which team raises their hand first, so...things get a bit silly.

For instance, in the third round, team 4 was convinced, and I mean CONVINCED that they had been the second team to finish. As I'm scanning the crowd, consulting with my coteacher, I suddenly hear the piercing cry of a middle school student in the wild.

"언니!! Unnie! Unnieeeeeee!" 

10 Things About Korea…

So I won’t be along here much longer, so I thought I’d give this a shot. There’s plenty about Korea that I’m going to miss, without a doubt, and then there’s a fair amount of things I won’t miss about Korea. It would be fair to say the same about anywhere, of course. So here […]

It reads like sodomy… right? It’s funny…...



It reads like sodomy… right? It’s funny… right?! Alright, I’m immature, I get it… Oh well.


I don’t know if this is more funny to me if I imagine (1)...



I don’t know if this is more funny to me if I imagine (1) an energy factory fueling the world with donuts or (2) vegetation that produces edible donuts. English is a hilarious language sometimes, isn’t it?


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